Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Tesco - Shirking Responsibility

Today it is supermarket giants Tesco that have failed to meet expectations. Not with dodgy produce or battery chickens. It just seems that nobody can take responsibility for a simple job to make shopping easier.

Last week I visited your Dunmow store with my twin baby boys. When I parked and went to get a trolley all of the twin trolleys were filthy. It was pouring with rain, so by the time I had used half a packet of wipes to clean the trolley I was soaked and the boys had started to get tetchy in the car. When I left I spoke to the lady on customer service about it and she said that she would get on the case straight away and ask someone to clean the trolleys.

Today I arrive at the store and the trolleys still haven't been cleaned. I had use more wipes to clean a trolley. They lady on customer service remembered me and said maybe I should email you because it wasn't the cleaners job to clean the trolleys. It wasn't her job to clean the trolleys. She couldn't get anyone to clean them.

Please could you help me on this matter? Taking twins to the supermarket is challenging enough as it is and I'm pretty sure it's not my job to make sure the child seats aren't disgustingly filthy.

Many thanks.

Now from experience I know that Tesco are usually pretty swift at replying to emails. But will it mean I get a clean trolley next time I go shopping? I hope it's not too much to ask for.

Three days after my email I get a telephone call from Tesco who said that if I need a trolley cleaned then I can go in the store and ask when I get there. So this is how it goes - I arrive at Tesco, take the twins out of the car put them in their pram, go into the store, queue up to ask about a trolley. Wait. Someone cleans the trolley. I take the trolley back to the car, put the twins in it, put the pushchair back in the boot, then finally do the shopping. I can guarantee that will add half an hour to my trip. What a crock. Tesco - EPIC FAIL.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

Chocolate Kittens and Puppies

My friend Sally told me once about the time she wrote to Lindt to ask them if they would produce chocolate Bedford Vans instead of chocolate kittens and puppies. Little ones I think, not real size ones. Anyway this was in the 1980s and I understand there was beer involved. My friend said she got a rather imaginative reply about how they'd love to make chocolate vans, chocolate trucks, chocolate cars and other forms of transport but sadly they weren't allowed. This got me wondering though - whatever happened to the kittens and puppies?

Dear Lindt,

My friend told me in the pub the other night that you used to sell chocolate kittens and puppies. Having a concern about animal welfare, I wanted to check what happened to them, especially as I know you have an awful lot of bunnies in your care. Did the kittens and puppies get taken to the chocolate RSPCA?

I also wondered if you had considered any other animals? Owls are quite in these days. Mind you personally I feel that foxes are the new owls, although probably not cute enough for you, what with their urban lifestyle and penchant for raiding litter bins.



Auto reply says they're out of the office until 7th September...

RESULT: Lindt sent me a lovely letter which I will have to scan in. They didn't send me any chocolate though.

Friday, 26 August 2011

Stirchley Bacon

Some companies just have no respect and no idea. I mean how can you get bacon wrong? First things first - how many rashers do you need to make a good sandwich? The correct answer is three. Any seasoned sarnie-eater knows this. Second, what's the best bit of a rasher of bacon? The crispy end bits. Poo to you Stirchley Bacon.

I buy your bacon at our village shop. Today I popped up there to get
some. When I opened the packet, I found you'd cut the ends of all the
rashers off - the best bit! I feel quite aggrieved about it. Five
rashers in a packet difficult enough to split between two bacon
sandwiches, but to find we have been deprived of the loveliest part of
the rashers is quite unnacceptable. Please could you let me know if you
are planning to change this (or at least send me the bits I'm missing)?

Many thanks

Sally Smith

Well rather than getting a reply, I get CC'd into this email.


I give you all the best jobs,

Can you do a pr job and reply to this lady please

Good luck!

Natalie Pollard
Managing Director

Stirchley Bacon Company Limited
Unit 36 - 37 Crossgate Road
Park Farm Industrial Estate
B98 7SN

Well that was 7th Jan 2010. A year and a half ago. About time I followed it up I thought.

Hi there,

I was just going through my old emails and wondered what happened to Bob? I hope he didn't get sick from eating all the end bits of the bacon.


Sally Smith

CUSTOMER SERVICE POINTS: ZERO. And their bacon is crappy.

OSpa and Groupon

A bit of a background to this. In July I bought some hair-straighteners via Groupon from OSpa in London. Now how long do you expect to wait for something to be delivered? These days a week tops really. Well 2 weeks later there is no sign of the hair straighteners, but I get an email from OSpa saying they have delivery times of 28 days. 28 days? What is this - the 1980s?

Well 28 days comes and goes and they still haven't arrived. Then I get another email saying that they will be dispatched on August 15th. On the 18th August I email OSpa.

Hi there,

I ordered some hair straighteners from you on 9th July and after a very long wait, and being told that they will be sent on 15th August, they still haven't arrived. This is unacceptable. I'd like to point out as well that my hair is now fucked from using the cheap crappy straighteners that came with a Christmas set for the past 6 weeks. Please can you advise me when my hair straighteners will arrive?

Well I get this automated answer:

Dear Customer

Thank you for your email. Please be advised we are working through all emails received in date order as fast as we can. It is taking us much longer than anticipated due to the volume but rest assured we will respond.

If your online query or email submitted is regarding an Existing product ordered through our online shopping portal using a voucher and you are enquiring about dispatch or delivery times. Please see our checkout terms and conditions which you would have ticked when proceeding to checkout here http://ospalondon.com/checkout.aspx

Some of you will also have recently received an email advising that whilst we have sent out loads of straighteners already we are out of stock due to the overwhelming populartity and the next batch of deliveries will take place when we receive out new order of stock on or around the 15th August, we do apologise for this further wait.
If your enquiry is regarding a Retail product voucher code that is not working, we are working to resolve these issues as fast as possible and you should be able to proceed with placing your order shortly.

Voucher code working but having trouble redeeming?
In order to redeem your product please go to www.ospalondon.com/login and either create an account or login if you have already created an account.

1. Click on e-retail vouchers on the top menu
2. Choose item purchased
3. Add to basket
4. View Basket
5. Enter voucher code and click apply voucher button
6. Either accept or cancel any additional offer
7. Proceed to checkout (Please read Checkout terms fully before accepting)
8. Repeat the above process if you have more than one voucher to redeem

** Please do not contact the Spa's with regards to online orders or e-retail vouchers ordered via our online shop as they will be unable to help you **

If your email is regarding Making a Spa booking, we are delighted to confirm the online booking system is up and running with the added feature of group bookings, and is the easiest and fastest way to make a booking. Please go to www.ospalondon.com/login

Alternatively in order to make your Spa Booking please contact the Spa's directly on the following numbers:

Austin Reed - 0207 534 7719
City Riverside - 0207 283 9797
Canary Wharf - 0207 519 6589

Your patience is greatly appreciated.
Kind regards

So I've been fobbed off - and the store has probably been inundated with phonecalls that their staff can't be arsed to deal with. Two days later I email them again with no reply. Two days after that I email Groupon who are meant to follow up their clients.

Hi there,

I ordered some hair straighteners from OSpa through you on the 9th July. A couple of weeks later I got an email saying they'd be delivered within 28 days of the purchase date. 28 days came and went. I then got an email saying it would be the 15th August. It's the 20th of August now and I've contacted OSpa twice and only got an automated response. Would you be able to help at all? I feel quite let down by it all and feel that OSpa shouldn't have been selling products that they don't actually have.

I get this back:


Thanks for getting in touch.

Sorry about the horrid automated reply but we wanted to let you know that your email reached us. We are doing our best to not keep you waiting for too long and we will get back to you shortly.

We are looking forward to being helpful. Thank you for your understanding and patience, as all queries will be addressed.

Best regards,

The Groupon UK team

Well it is now the 26th August and I have heard hide nor hair from either OSpa or Groupon. I'm also still using the crappy hair straighteners. A third email today:

Hi there,
This is my third email now with no response. I ordered some hair straighteners from you on 9th July and was told I would receive them around 15th August. They still haven't arrived. Are you fashioning them from wood?

Needless to say I got the same automated response from OSpa. Watch this space...

UPDATE: It's now 2nd February 2012. Despite more emails to OSpa and phoning their customer service line which is permanently engaged, I have still never received my hair staighteners.

RESULT: OSpa are theiving shysters

ANOTHER UPDATE: November 2013. Today I have emailed them today.

A few years ago I ordered 2 sets of hair straighteners through Groupon. Despite many emails and phonecalls, I didn't receive them. I have now moved house and wondered if you wanted my new address so you can finally, finally send me my hair straighteners. 


It's always nice to get something for nothing. But sometimes you feel like it's just not good enough. Today I tackle Pampers - products that I hate to use but we simply have no choice. I apologise to the powers that be for creating so much fucking landfill.

Dear Sir,

This morning I get a letter from Pampers with a coupon inside. Ooh goody I think - I'm going to have to get some more nappies this week (as I do every week). I rip open the envelope to find a measly £1. £1! Now I have twins who are currently weaning and teething so you can only imagine how many nappies I get through (and have done in the last 8 months). Is this all I'm worth - £1? I'm seriously thinking of deferring to Huggies.

Yours sincerely,


We'll see what happens...