Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Further bacon robbers

Dear Black Farmer,

I have been a fan of your bacon and sausages for a long time. They make breakfast beautiful. But I'm afraid there has been a bacon sin committed recently. I have been robbed! On opening my latest packet of beautiful pink smoked bacon, I almost fell off my breakfast stool. Someone had stolen the ends of the rashers! They were missing! It broke my breakfast heart to see the bacon had been snipped, removing that lovely crispy last bite. A bacon travesty!

What has happened to the ends of the rashers? Is there any possibility I can have them back? They would have been nice crumbled into a bacon carbonara. With those little bits, my breakfast bacon butties would have been truly complete!

With bacony regards,


Verdict: I received a lovely letter this morning from The Black Farmer, they have obviously taken it seriously. There was also a small cheque which I will spend on their sausages. I'm still going to continue buying Black Farmer meat - their sausages are second only to our local village ones. They do a great corn-fed chicken too. 

Old El Paso

Dear Old El Paso,

Have you ever seen Spinal Tap? There's a scene in it when one of the band members is struggling to get the right ratio between meat and cracker. I have a similar problem with your Enchilada dinner kit.

Here's the issue: I've found, the ultimate sauce/chicken ratio is 1.5 chicken breasts to 1 sachet of tomato sauce, mixed with 15g of your spice mix. This makes 2 perfect enchiladas with the right amount of sauce to soak into the tortillas. I can then save the rest of the tomato sauce and spices for another night of faux-Mexican goodness. What I'm left with however is a spare 4 tortillas. And then there are the sad occasions when the packets of spice mix are short-changed and don't contain enough spices. Do I buy 2 boxes of your Enchilada dinner kit, taking some of the spice mix from the new box, then again not having enough the next time round? This then would leave me with 8 spare tortillas, no tomato sauce and not enough spice mix. I'm not prepared either to buy your jarred Enchilada sauce to add to my dinner kit – it's just not the same.

Please help me. I just can't solve my enchilada dilemma!


P.S. If you haven't seen Spinal Tap, I suggest you do. Then you may fully understand the extent of my meal-time problem.

Less than a week later I get a reply from Old El Paso - a lovely stock letter, not addressing the ratio issue at all. However the letter did have a nice £5 voucher attached to it. This time I went for the Fajitas box. Verdict: My dilemma is still unsolved. I doubt they care though.